Emily in Transition

The sun was setting and Emily felt her mood change. The colors of the sky were an incredible mixture of Rust, Pink, and Brown. She sat on the boardwalk at the beach, waiting for the guy from Match.com, who said he'd meet her at the beach, at this spot at 4pm.

Emily was wearing a sparkly, blue top that she found at a vintage thrift store, a long, form-fitting jeanskirt and a pair of glittery flip flops, which were off her feet at the moment. She was glad she just got a pedicure. Her toenails were a light shade of Lilac.

There were swings for kids at the playground. She swung and swung, and she looked at her watch. It was five p.m. already. Another late date! They had agreed to meet specifically at four p.m.! She looked around her. Most of the beach was cleared out. She felt happy being by herself, yet, even though her family and friends were always there, she wanted a relationship, best friend in a male companion.Emily was 25. The radius she chose for a partner on the website was 30 miles away. She lived in Long Beach in a studio. The guy was from Torrance.

She was taking a risk, going on a date with someone with no picture, and his name was Ivan. She only knew one Ivan in her life and he basically was the one who got away.

Emily walked to the tidepools and looked over her right shoulder. Who did she see coming up in a confident stride? Ivan (her Ivan!). he looked great! Not gawky like the 25 year old she knew when she was 22. How  did she miss it was him on Match.com? Despite seeing her pictures, he did everything to convince Emily that he was a different Ivan. She tried not to feel tricked, but she was!

She saw him walking toward her and she suddenly didn't feel like meeting him. She didn't want her past to meet up with her present. She sort of considered him a friend, but not wholly. She had no allegiance to him or his little games! He was about 500 feet away. She walked up from the beach, crossed the street and hid in the library in town. Ivan hardly cracked open a book, so she knew he wouldn't find her and he would have been able to see where she went. She moved so fast; she probably was a glittery blur to him.

She had glasses in her purse. She put them on and lost herself in the fiction section of the library. She found a rubber band in one of her pockets and swept back her dark, curly hair into a ponytail. She was reading and had even sat down on a stool in between the book stacks. She was deep in concentration when she heard a familiar voice...

"Fancy finding you here."

She looked up and it was Ivan. Damn, she thought she had escaped him successfully. He was a lot smarter than she thought, even if he hardly picked up a piece of Literature. He did read the newspaper daily, so that was somewhat impressive. Ivan stepped toward her.

"I'm sorry I tricked you, " he said. "But I'm ready to make things work. I'm sorry for being so immature before. You look beautiful."

He clasped her had in his two hands and she looked into his shining brown, wide eyes. She knew in her gut that he was telling the truth. Ivan was definitely good looking, but the most disarming trait of his was that he didn't quite see his own essence, so his humility showed through.

Emily remembered how they both had so much fun three years ago when they were together. They travelled to some interesting places: Catalina, Santa Barbara area. It was by far, a very memorable three years that they had together as a couple. She remembered feeling loved. Ivan and Emily would walk hand in hand to events, friends, parties and get togethers. It was clear to others and to each of them, that they were in love.

But one night...in the 3rd year of the relationship, they were in a friend's hot tub, looking up at the stars and it was such a romantic moment. Ivan kissed her and Emily knew it could lead to more, but she was a traditional girl at 22 and wanted to make sure there was a deep commitment between them...basically, a proposal or promise to marry before getting too physically involved. When she told Ivan this, he seemed to shrink back in fear...He was only 25, he explained. They still had so much to do, enjoy together before marrying, but Emily just wanted to know she was the one for him. They were young, she knew, but she was romantic and knew at the time that Ivan was it for her. And her parents had gotten married at around the same age that they were then.

Now, three years later, Emily wished she had  been more intimate with Ivan or at least open to making love then, especially after being with a string of 3 or 4 guys who were nice enough and cute, but not what she really wanted in a partner. Although she was still young at 25, she knew that she wanted to marry...soon. She felt more and more ready....maybe she always was...but she really needed to just let go and explore intimacy a bit more. Part of her fear of becoming physical was getting closer emotionally...

So there she was with Ivan...standing in a row surrounded by books.

"Can we go somewhere where we don't have to whisper?" he asked.

Emily let out a giggle.

"Sure," she said and he gallantly reached out to her and pulled her up.

She had to admit that he looked handsome. he was about 6-2, his hair fell in curls around his forehead. His blonde/brown curls contrasted with his dark, brown, wide eyes. Today, he was wearing a Hoby surf tshirt. It looked like he had been working out. She could see his muscles and his olive toned, tan arms. He wore nice, dress pants that seemed to go pretty well with his bright, blue hoby shirt. She looked again into his eyes and saw surprise there as she stepped toward him and leaned in for a hug. They held each other for too long it seemed, like long lost lovers, finding each other again. She felt silly for feeling unnerved by them getting closer physically in the past. She knew Ivan and although he was very attracted to her, he was not going to take advantage of her...she just didn't communicate her feelings/fears enough to him, so he didn't know what to do basically. There were many subjects that they didn't broach, but there were always butterflies in her stomach when Emily saw Ivan and she knew they understood each other and had a great connection.

She wondered to hearself why she had let a good thing go...what was her issue?

They walked out into the night. It was the beginning of Fall and Emily could already feel the weather make a slight shift. Soon, the days would grow shorter and the sun wouldn't shine as beautifully after 5:30 or 6 in the evening.

Emily and Ivan walked toward the beach again. She took off her glasses and let down her hair once more. They walked to a little place right by the main highway across from beach and sat on stools at The Golden Spoon.

Suddenly, they were in the mood for yogurt. Ivan ordered his favorite: Peanut Butter/Vanilla swirl.  and Emily got her usual: Strawberry with Chocolate sprinkles on top. She was pretty and fit, but she still only had sugar on rare occasions. This was one of them...

Emily and Ivan were turning their bodies around on the stools like little children. Then, their legs interlocked and they leaned into each other. Ivan with Peanut Butter and Vanilla yogurt breath gave Emily the best kiss she had experienced in a long time...9 years ago.  They pulled back from each other, stared at each other newly...and Emily could swear she saw a shooting star leap out into the black expanse of the sky.

This time from this day on, there wouldn't be a stretch of three weeks..more like three days that they'd ever be apart again....and this time, she was ready for everything and knew that Ivan would be the perfect gentleman.